Pitas, frappucinos and bloating.

As you can guess from the title I bought myself a veggie pita and a venti java chip frap with soy (and no whip) and I feel extremely full and bloated and disgusting.   I took 3 laxatives right after, and am going to take another 3 - 4 in about 2 hours.
Oh! but I did do some squats this morning when I woke up and it felt so good :] I may leave the library early to go home and do a proper workout and then go to the gym since I feel really motivated today (yay).
Decided I'd fast the rest of the day and continue until Monday (I think I only work Saturday, so I can just lay in bed all day Sunday and be the lazy blob I am).  I wish fasting and me losing weight would reflect in my face ;[ my face is honestly so chubby it saddens me and is one of the biggest reasons I haven't thrown up in over a month now because I don't want my face to be so swollen. Posted some pics of my face below and as you can tell the chubbiness adds to my baby face making me look like a 13/14 year old instead of looking like a university student.

Tired, cranky and unmotivated

I am so tired.  I wish  I was one of those people who can fall asleep easy and stay asleep for a long time.  My sleep is always interrupted (because of laxatives, but sometimes it's simply my body waking up for no reason), or none existent (some nights I just cannot sleep), and I always wake up after 8 hours or less no matter how tired I may be.  I always wanted to try sleeping pills, but my thoughts scare me sometimes so I don't think I'd trust myself to have a bottle of sleeping pills in my room. I may invest in those pouches of powder you mix with water and they help make you sleepy? (not sure what they're called, but they start with nitro or ni - something).
Also sleeping at night kind of scares me a slight bit.  I don't know why, but after thinking about it for sometime now I have come to realize there is something unsettling in falling asleep at night; yet when the sun starts to rise I can fall asleep a lot more faster and without that dreaded feeling (it's not a very strong feeling, but it does get me a bit anxious sometimes - and  I apologize if I make no sense.  sometimes I just try to sort things out in my head by putting it on paper, but words are sometimes hard to find).

 I have got to start working out more as well.  In the summer time I got motivated enough to workout out almost daily for 3 weeks and actually managed to get a bit of abs and a butt (honestly though my butt is so flat it is embarrassing).  So I have put up a one week challenge for myself to workout daily (so I can get my bum bum back), and after years of doing these "weekly" and "monthly plans" for exercise I have come to realize I need to only write out one week at a time and to write down what I know I can/will do for sure.  I used to always find myself writing out these crazy, long workouts but found I never followed it - on the other hand if you write out short, easy workouts that you know you'll find the time to do, I find you end up doing at least some of it and sometimes do more than you wrote.  It's kinda like the life motto "don't set high expectations because you'll be disappointed, but if you set low expectations you may be surprised."