Sleep.

I'm a person who feels too much - sensitive to other people's feelings and struggles, even movies make me cry a lot.  The bad usually overwhelms the good.
But sometimes I feel too much about myself, my situation, my reality and it's so intense, it overwhelms me.  Days like today and the weekend are days where I wish I could go numb.  Sometimes it happens, no feelings, no emotions and I prefer it over days like today.  I have only gone to work and class and have stayed in bed doing nothing productive even though I have papers due soon.  I'm tired, so tired.
And I want to die, but I don't.
But the disdain I feel for my life is too much.

I'm going to bed even though it's only 5pm.

Everything ready to spill, no one to catch it.

I have so much I wish I could say, wish I could get off my chest, but I have no one.  No one who would really listen and try to help, no one I trust enough to tell.
This secret, this life I live that no one know about is honestly such a burden, but in a way I'm happy no one knows because then everyone can go on believing I am that "happy, animal loving, caring girl" and no one wil "tsk tsk look what you've done to yourself" when I keep getting sicker - because no one will know.  No one will suspect.


Also like I mentioned in the previous post: I feel like total crap.  I guess that's because I am.....but in all seriousness all my muscles hurt and I am beyond tired (which is normal, but it gets tiring being tired ahahaha my puns are great), and the pain in my hands keeps getting worse and occurs more often,  and my back is all in knots and it feels like I did over 300 crunches, and I'm lonely and sad and I just need someone.
I just want to sleep, sleep sooo bad and wake up in the springtime when the sun is warming up the earth again and everything is being reborn and maybe then, I too will be reborn and learn to live again.  Live well and proper.   Oh simple dreams, if they could only come true.