ugghh I may have over did it ....

so last night I felt like I was going to pass out while laying down (weird I know), but felt a bit better by morning.  I went to work (and got bombarded with the same question by everyone "are you okay?" ) and I must of still looked like shit cause every time one of the managers passed by the fitting room they'd ask me if I feel okay and one coworker asked me if I was okay cause I still looked pale and faint and told me "You need to eat" but I did eat yesterday and today - maybe my weight loss is noticeable?   And my manager even followed me into the warehouse after closing when I was putting the garbage away - he pretended he was looking at some stuff there, but he was headed to cash until he saw me go in the warehouse - I think they just don't want me passing out anywhere ....
Anyways I took 6 laxatives today, but I feel like I did last night and am getting the same feelings I used to get when I first started abusing laxatives (at the beginning it was terribly unbearable when I took laxatives), but I've been taking anywhere from 8 - 15 on a normal day so why should 6 make me feel so bad and on top of that I feel super weird.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Never mind I feel better: went to the bathroom, had a movement and feel a lot better.  My stomach feels like shit though, it keeps grumbling and hurting even though I'm eating cookies.
But I do feel like it may be my blood pressure that's causing me to feel this way last night and tonight ;[ just glad I don't work tomorrow.  I may try and go to Sunday service depending on how I feel when I get up, also my lower back and pelvic area pain has been getting super constant and intense.  I feel so weak, tired and just worn down that I can't even plan ahead for anything, I can only take it day by day.  I don't even feel like going out and drinking or going to the movies or doing anything fun.  I just want to stay home and snuggle in my covers and try to make my aching body feel a bit better between my multiple bowel movements a day.

I have this bad feeling my body may finally be really giving up on me, it may actually be screaming at me telling me to stop; the sad part is that I don't care.  If anything I'm a bit happy in a sick twisted way that the ending may be nearing.  My battle with this may soon be over, my body may stop aching forever - no more interrupted nights, no more pounding, irregular or flip flopping heart beats, simply no more pain.

Ha if only.