And down the rabbit hole I go.

I have been feeling sicker and sicker.  By that I mean my stomach pains and these "colics" are more frequent; I think it's indigestion, because I always get these acute severe pains after eating a lot. I did end up buying these vegetable capsule things that help your digestion (called Digestaction; supposed to help eliminate bloating, gas, indigestion and help boost a slow metabolism), but I don't think it's been working particularly well.   The weird thing about these "colics" I seem to be getting is that the pain subsides a lot when I lay or recline on my back (it usually takes a minimum of 30 min of laying down on my back for me to be okay to sit up and stand up).

Another thing: fluorescent lights - the ones found in most stores - really make me look super washed out pale.  I caught my reflection in a mirror yesterday as I was working at my job and realized how bad my complexion actually looked (no wonder everyone always asks if I'm okay and always points out how pale I am, cause those lights make me look scary shitty).   And as I'm typing this I am forcing myself to drink at least a cup of water (slowly of course), as I feel so nauseous, unwell and I feel like my blood pressure is low.  Cracked open my window a bit too, and the cold frigid air is doing me some good.

Ughh... that's how I feel most of the time.  Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I dislike myself so much?

Too late for questions cause I went down the rabbit hole long  

ago and my curiosity keeps taking  me further into "wonderland"

If you can call it that