Sitting in the library crying. Everything's wrong.

I hate being a disappointment - I had two classes last semester with this professor and I did REALLY well in both courses and this semester I have a course with him again and I received like a B on my first midterm and I completely failed the second midterm today (it was online so I got my results back).  He’s going to be so disappointed and I can’t face him telling me anything cause I’m so stressed as it is and I can’t deal with disappointments.  Going to try and make the term paper really good to make up for it, but it’s so hard with 5 courses a week, 20 hours or more of work, and 2 other essays on top of that.  I’m trying - I really am and that’s why it sucks because I’m getting back horrid results.
 I really can't take it anymore - I don't have energy to keep all this up plus my laxative abuse.  I have been drinking energy drinks everyday for the past week to keep me going, but a part of me also hopes all those energy drinks make my heart stop. 
I am disappointment to myself and those around me and I honestly CANNOT deal with being a failure and disappointment; really I can't.
I am on the verge of bursting into tears.  I am so tired, I have taken so many laxatives because that's what I do normally and when stressed I take even more.  My body is wearing down, my eyes hurt so much whenever I venture out into daylight, and I swear my eyesight is worsening.  The outsides of my eyes (like eyelids) are becoming this odd shade/pigment of brownish pinkish oranges and purple pink underneath my eyes - it just looks odd and even though I am utterly exhausted it takes me awhile to fall asleep and I wake up only a few hours later.

*It's kinda funny cause I was feeling semi-ok up until I did my exam and that just pushed me.

I want to disappear.  I want to go away.  I want to vanish.  I really am trying to deal with all of this and make it work, but it's not working and I'm failing at everything including basic life shit.