Realizations, but no solutions.

I've come to the realization, not too long ago, that I need help; I am unwell and I do not know how much longer I can keep going by myself.  Today on skype, I told my mother how sometimes I think about quitting university, working for a year, moving to Europe and doing university there.  But it would still be just as hard there as it is here, she told me, and I don't know I almost broke down crying, but I did not and I just avoided looking at the screen/her and I just told her again that it was all too hard for me.  She asked why I didn't stay in Toronto and I told her it would have been harder there; the rent is at the very minimum twice as expensive and public transportation is almost thrice that much.  We were both silent for a few seconds and then she suggested I move back and finish university at our university in my hometown (it is one of the highest ranking in Canada, and it's top party school).  I was a bit thrilled my mother had offered, but I have too much pride sometimes to move back and it is too late to transfer.   Even if I did decide for next year to transfer universities, not all my credits would go through and I wouldn't be able to live with my parents for so long; but I think I have come up with a compromise that may save me a bit next year.  I have decided for next summer I will sublet my apartment and stay 4 months with my parents and work at one of the two museums in my hometown.   Now I know it doesn't make sense for me to go back to my parents, but realizing how unwell I am and unstable, it just honestly scares me, and by being around people all the time (my siblings, my parents etc) and by having my parents still be a little controlling, I think I could relax a bit more and not be so afraid and isolated and scared of myself for what I might do to myself. Sometimes I hope; despite how horrible it is; that my heart may stop from all the abuse I have been putting my body through, and that I am somehow saved and thus my parents find out and take me home/I get put into treatment and this is where I am losing my train of thought and everything becomes unclear and I no longer know what I wanted to say or what the conclusion of this thought/paragraph was.

But I do not think I can last until next summer.  I am way to far over in this, and it's not going away.  I don't think it ever will.