Feeling ick.

Had some vegetarian sushi and 1/3 of a végépate wrap.  Saddens me because I was planning on doing a liquid fast and instead I had a mini binge (and please understand that I get this probably doesn't qualify for a mini binge, but for me it does) and to clarify: no I don't count calories, like I'll look at the calories on something, but I don't obsess over it as I can get very into something easily.  A year and a half - two years ago I had a few months where I counted calories in everything, but it became such a big part of my day, consumed my thoughts and became part of my life.  Now I just "summarize" my calories - so let's say I had a smoothie, which I know is around 275 - 290 calories, plus a cookie which I'll give 100 calories to (comparing to other cookies I know calories of) so I put my intake at 390 but I'll add like 100 or 200 calories to make it safe to say I had that amount or less.  Not even sure if that made any sense -_- what I'm trying to say is I always count more calories than I ate just in case something is actually more calories and so that way I'll usually get less calories than the max of that day.
Some days I don't do a max calorie, I'll just have a small meal or snack and not even give two thoughts about the calories.

Getting back on the subject of what I ate; well it made me feel gross and full so I took 5 laxatives and am going to take another 2 before bed tonight.  Laxatives have become a sort of comfort thing for me. You know how some people eat when they're upset? like emotional eater? that is me with laxatives.  If I get really stressed or upset I'll take more than I usually do.  Messed up I know, but it just sort of started becoming a comfort thing without me realizing (I think I realized I use them as a safety thing when I was back at my parents home this summer and got into an argument with my mom.  I got so mad I just poured some laxatives into the palm of my hand and swallowed all of them.). 

Going to go home, drink some crystal light "tea", watch something funny and hopefully have a good nights sleep.