I have never actually passed out before and today I did - at work.... I felt crummy, heart doing it’s rapid but weak pounding in my chest, felt a bit weak - the usual. Well 3 and a bit hours into my shift I began feeling unbearably hot and everything got so blurry, I felt so helpless and horrible but the customer told me to sit down and take my scarf off (because she says she gets blurry vision/fainting a lot) so I sit for like 8 seconds, apologize get up (but I couldn’t really hear anything) and I got up and everything went blurry and I kept saying “you said debit right? sorry, wait a sec sorry?” cause I couldn’t see anything for the sake of me and next thing I know I was on the ground. One of my managers thinks it has to do with my heart they made me sit down and called the ambulance but after an hour of waiting we cancelled the ambulance because by then I felt better and I just went home (they did ask me to call once I got back cause I live on my own and had no one to pick me up). kinda freaky - also another supervisor said that the tone of my skin on my face was a bit yellow, almost like jaundice. They also asked me if I took any drugs, they seemed really concerned and were like "______, it would just be between us, it wouldn't affect your position with the company, but do you take anything? like drugs?" which probably meant I looked shittier than I thought I did and apparently I was also shaking really bad, which I didn't think I was shaking too much. I work tomorrow, and I really, really, really hope I'm not on cash and that I don't pass out. It was embarrassing, and freaky Oh and I had some veggie sushi in the employees lunchroom before my shift so they don't suspect not eating or anything like that. When I got home I took 6 laxatives skyped my mom (no way I'd tell her I passed out - she'd freak out), plus she kept going on and on and on how my face has slimmed down and how I should make myself something proper to eat, take care of myself etc. Then I did grocery shopping and afterwards I had 2 bites of bread, 4 cookies, 3 gulps of fruit punch, threw it up and took one more laxative and finally a nice, hot, relaxing shower.
But going back to me passing out - so weird since I did eat 3 hours prior and I ate a lot the last 2-3 days (I did purge everything through laxatives, but I ate 3 hours before passing out so like what?)
Just a weird day, and I don't like getting pity - makes you feel like something broken, kinda. u_u I just really hope it doesn't happen again, but it probably will , just hopefully not at work again (can you imagine? 2 days in a row? ).
All I want to do is get all snuggly and go to bed ♥
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